She makes no excuses for who she is. She is impatient, stubborn, needy, moody and very confusing. Somedays she doesn't even understand herself, so she doesn't expect anyone else to. She's been hurt too many times to count by people she thought would never hurt her. Each time she picked herself up, brushed off the dirt, and put herself back together. The problem is, each time she put herself together, the pieces just didn't go back together like she wanted them too. Somedays she looks in the mirror and doesn't recognize the person looking back at her, where did the happy, selfless girl go? Those tiny pieces are still laying in the dirt somewhere and she's okay with that and with the fact that she's no longer her 17 year old self, the girl who loved without hesitation, the girl who would do anything for anyone without hesitation, the girl who always wore a smile, a REAL smile, not the one she wears now. That girl is only a memory. She now realizes how much pain will change a person, will make you feel like you are going crazy, will make you do things you never thought you would do. She lost herself along the way, and now she wanders, wondering where she is going...It is said that not all who wander are lost, but she is, and she can't be found by anyone besides herself. She needs to learn to follow her own heart, her own instinct. She needs to do what's best for herself and her children.
So when she says she's on a journey, by herself, for herself, that's what she means. She doesn't need anyone holding her hand guiding her because she's been misguided before. She needs to travel this path, no matter how long, by herself. And it isn't because she's being safe, like I've said before, she needs to find herself. So if she pushes you away, don't take it personally. She's on damage control and cleanup and on a mission to be and LOVE herself again.🖤🖤
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